Bereishis, Genesis, is all about proper individual conduct. In Yiddish, we use the word Mensch which Wikipedia describes as:
Mensch[1] means “a person of integrity and honor”.[2] A Mensch is “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character. The key to being ‘a real mensch‘ is nothing less than character, rectitude, dignity, a sense of what is right, responsible, decorous.”[3] The term is used as a high compliment, implying the rarity and value of that individual’s qualities.
Bereishis, then, is all about being a Mensch. We cannot discuss being a Mensch without dealing with proper behavior with family and the consequences when behavior is not proper. Hence, the Torah pivots this week and tells us the story of Joseph and his brothers.
The roots of the story are covered fairly bluntly in the third Pasuk (verse) of the Parsha (Gen. 37:3):
וְיִשְׂרָאֵל אָהַב אֶת־יוֹסֵף מִכׇּל־בָּנָיו כִּי־בֶן־זְקֻנִים הוּא לוֹ וְעָשָׂה לוֹ כְּתֹנֶת פַּסִּים׃
Now Israel loved Joseph best of all his sons—he was his “child of old age”; and he had made him an ornamented tunic.
Yaakov loved Yosef (Joseph) more than his other sons. Rashi explains why in a very simple way (Rashi to Gen. 37:2):
אלה תולדות יעקב. … וּמִ”אַ דּוֹרֵשׁ תָּלָה הַכָּתוּב תּוֹלְדוֹת יַעֲקֹב בְּיוֹסֵף מִפְּנֵי כַמָּה דְבָרִים, אַחַת, שֶׁכָּל עַצְמוֹ שֶׁל יַעֲקֹב לֹא עָבַד אֵצֶל לָבָן אֶלָּא בְרָחֵל…
THESE ARE THE PROGENY OF JACOB — … The Midrash, however, explains that by the words, “These are the progeny of Jacob — Joseph”, Scripture regards all Jacob’s sons as secondary to Joseph for several reasons: first, the whole purpose of Jacob in working for Laban was only for Rachel, Joseph’s mother, (and all his children were born only in consequence of this); … (Genesis Rabbah 84:3)
Yaakov loved Rachel and he only really wanted to marry Rachel. His other wives were not primary in his mind. Therefore, their children took a backseat to hers. In this Yaakov made a terrible mistake.
A parent has a duty to their children; to raise them and treat them properly. A parent’s treatment of their children shapes who they are and how they behave. Children cannot feel like they are secondary and, when they do, the results can be disastrous. As the Talmud tells us (Shab. 10b)
וְאָמַר רָבָא בַּר מַחְסֵיָא אָמַר רַב חָמָא בַּר גּוּרְיָא אָמַר רַב: לְעוֹלָם אַל יְשַׁנֶּה אָדָם בְּנוֹ בֵּין הַבָּנִים, שֶׁבִּשְׁבִיל מִשְׁקַל שְׁנֵי סְלָעִים מֵילָת שֶׁנָּתַן יַעֲקֹב לְיוֹסֵף יוֹתֵר מִשְּׁאָר בָּנָיו, נִתְקַנְּאוּ בּוֹ אֶחָיו וְנִתְגַּלְגֵּל הַדָּבָר וְיָרְדוּ אֲבוֹתֵינוּ לְמִצְרַיִם.
And Rava bar Meḥasseya said that Rav Ḥama bar Gurya said that Rav said: A person should never distinguish one of his sons from among the other sons by giving him preferential treatment. As, due to the weight of two sela of fine wool [meilat] that Jacob gave to Joseph, beyond what he gave the rest of his sons, in making him the striped coat, his brothers became jealous of him and the matter unfolded and our forefathers descended to Egypt.
The possibility that the sons of Yaakov, all of whom were considered righteous and holy, would allow their emotions to cloud their judgment and move them to murder is one that many sages find totally unpalatable. That they intended to kill him is clear as the Torah tells us (Gen. 37:18)
וַיִּרְאוּ אֹתוֹ מֵרָחֹק וּבְטֶרֶם יִקְרַב אֲלֵיהֶם וַיִּתְנַכְּלוּ אֹתוֹ לַהֲמִיתוֹ׃
They saw him from afar, and before he came close to them they conspired to kill him.
The question of “why” is what Chazal (Our Sages of Blessed Memory) analyze. They tell us that the brothers felt that they were acting out of self-defense. The “conspiracy” mentioned was actually a court proceeding in which they designated Yosef as a Rodef, a pursuer. As the Talmud says (Sanh. 72a):
… אִם בָּא לְהוֹרְגְּךָ הַשְׁכֵּם לְהוֹרְגוֹ
… If someone comes to kill you, rise and kill him first.
Self defense is an absolute right. They felt that Yosef was an existential threat to them. How so? The Torah tell us (Gen. 37:2):
… וַיָּבֵא יוֹסֵף אֶת־דִּבָּתָם רָעָה אֶל־אֲבִיהֶם׃
… And Joseph brought bad reports of them to their father.
The brothers felt that Yosef was trying to supplant them as the sole heir of their father’s Torah. Given that without Torah there is no life, they judged him a Rodef giving them the right to kill him preemptively.
Of course, was their conclusion valid? I would that it could not be valid because they were not objective where Yosef was concerned (Gen. 37:4).
וַיִּרְאוּ אֶחָיו כִּי־אֹתוֹ אָהַב אֲבִיהֶם מִכׇּל־אֶחָיו וַיִּשְׂנְאוּ אֹתוֹ וְלֹא יָכְלוּ דַּבְּרוֹ לְשָׁלֹם׃
And when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of his brothers, they hated him so that they could not speak a friendly word to him.
If they hated him, they had no right to formally judge him. However, in their defense, they probably truly felt that they were operating in a proper manner given the perceived threat. Torah certainly records their Teshuva, repentance, later (Gen 42:21-22):
וַיֹּאמְרוּ אִישׁ אֶל־אָחִיו אֲבָל אֲשֵׁמִים אֲנַחְנוּ עַל־אָחִינוּ אֲשֶׁר רָאִינוּ צָרַת נַפְשׁוֹ בְּהִתְחַנְנוֹ אֵלֵינוּ וְלֹא שָׁמָעְנוּ עַל־כֵּן בָּאָה אֵלֵינוּ הַצָּרָה הַזֹּאת׃
They said to one another, “Alas, we are being punished on account of our brother, because we looked on at his anguish, yet paid no heed as he pleaded with us. That is why this distress has come upon us.”
וַיַּעַן רְאוּבֵן אֹתָם לֵאמֹר הֲלוֹא אָמַרְתִּי אֲלֵיכֶם לֵאמֹר אַל־תֶּחֶטְאוּ בַיֶּלֶד וְלֹא שְׁמַעְתֶּם וְגַם־דָּמוֹ הִנֵּה נִדְרָשׁ׃
Then Reuben spoke up and said to them, “Did I not tell you, ‘Do no wrong to the boy’? But you paid no heed. Now comes the reckoning for his blood.”
Even Yosef’s brothers acknowledged that their treatment of him was wrong and they did the right thing in doing so. They accepted their responsibility for their actions. But, Yaakov’s part in creating the family dynamic that led to this tragedy should not be ignored.
Children are our future. Parents have a sacred duty to raise their children in such a manner as they will become proper, Torah abiding, positive members of society. It is an arduous task that is only accomplished with tremendous love and dedication. Parents are constantly bombarded with the needs of their children for which they have to provide. Too often emphasis is placed more on giving them the כְּתֹנֶת פַּסִּים, the “ornamented tunic”, rather than on what children really need which is love and discipline. Material things, at the end of the day, are of limited importance. A child needs to know that they can count on their parent’s love, guidance, and support.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. All parents are thrown into jobs for which they have no formal training and are woefully prepared for. Their experiences with their own parents might guide their parenting approach, but every family dynamic is unique. Children have unique personalities and needs and, as King Solomon writes in Mishlei (Prov. 22:6):
חֲנֹךְ לַנַּעַר עַל־פִּי דַרְכּוֹ גַּם כִּי־יַזְקִין לֹא־יָסוּר מִמֶּנָּה׃
Train a lad in the way he ought to go; He will not swerve from it even in old age.
This instruction not only tells us that we need to educate our children but also, עַל־פִּי דַרְכּוֹ, each in their own way. The approach that works for one child will not work for another. Parents have the difficult job of adjusting their approach for each child to achieve the optimal results.
The Torah makes an attempt to give us guidance in dealing with our children. We are given the story of Yosef and his brothers in part to teach us the incredible danger inherent in showing preference for one child over others.
Additionally, Yaakov knew he had a problem on his hands. Yet, he did not address it. Rather, as the Torah says (Gen. 37:11):
וַיְקַנְאוּ־בוֹ אֶחָיו וְאָבִיו שָׁמַר אֶת־הַדָּבָר׃
His brothers were jealous of him, and his father kept watch on the matter.
Yaakov did not take action, he “kept an eye on the matter.” Accordingly, as the Talmud quoted earlier says (Shab. 10b):
נִתְגַּלְגֵּל הַדָּבָר וְיָרְדוּ אֲבוֹתֵינוּ לְמִצְרַיִם
the matter unfolded and our forefathers descended to Egypt
In not proactively dealing with the negative family dynamic he created, he became partially responsible for the ultimate results that dynamic created.
What might have been different had Yaakov not treated Yosef different from his brothers? Possibly nothing given that this was Hashem’s will. Hashem told Avraham that his children would be enslaved (Gen. 15:13):
וַיֹּאמֶר לְאַבְרָם יָדֹעַ תֵּדַע כִּי־גֵר יִהְיֶה זַרְעֲךָ בְּאֶרֶץ לֹא לָהֶם וַעֲבָדוּם וְעִנּוּ אֹתָם אַרְבַּע מֵאוֹת שָׁנָה׃
And [God] said to Abram, “Know well that your offspring shall be strangers in a land not theirs, and they shall be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years;
That, however, is neither here nor there. The fact is that Yaakov, in treating Yosef better than his brothers, created a situation that led to a son being sold into slavery and, eventually, his family’s exile to Egypt. That it might have happened anyway is not the point. The point is that the dysfunctional family dynamic Yaakov created led to a horrible result.
The lesson of this week’s Torah portion is clear. Parents have a grave responsibility regarding their children. Successfully fulfilling that responsibility starts with the most joyous things of all: love.